sonicdork.

Not only was it nice to see everyone, it was nice for Kristen and I to get away and actually have a vacation together. We needed it. It was so great that we didn’t want it to end….despite the fact that we desperately missed our little red guy.

Thursday: We flew from Hartsfield to Newport News. Hartsfield is massive. Complete with an underground train to take you to your terminal. The airport in Newport News? Not so massive. I preferred Newport News. It was cute, tiny as hell, and it had banners of all of the great men of the Commonwealth (minus the Brothers Gore banners, of course). I packed for warm weather since it was hot as fuck in Atlanta. Well…it was cold as hell in Newport News…. and windy. I had one pair of “long pants” and the rest were shorts. I can handle the cold weather though. I just hate strong winds, especially the winds that can blow me over. That’s STRONG wind. That’s “hoss blowin’” wind.

We drove to Williamsburg but we couldn’t check into our Bed And Breakfast until four, so we had some hours to kill. What better way to pass the time than with a timeshare presentation?!?! We got roped in. Kristen suggested that we should stop at this “I Heart Williamsburg” place to look for restaurant tickets. Fatties. Cheap fatties. We walk in and this older gentleman starts telling us about all of the great things he can hook us up with, if we just tour their resort. It would be an 90 minute tour, and in the end we would get our swag (cash for Jamestown tickets, winery tickets, free dinner, blow jobs, etc). We had time to kill….fuck it…let’s do it!

The man walked us to the resort, told us that he used to live in Vegas until “David” moved him and his entire family to Williamsburg. David? You speak of this man like he’s a God. Show me this David! Well, once we got into the presentation….we learned more about this being named David Siegel , and the glorious work he has done with timeshares. They fed us chili (plain for Kristen) dogs and unimaginable dreams! We could own our own week in [gasp] Williamsburg ?!?! It sounds to good to be true. For $465 a month! Now we could trade in that week for another week somewhere else…or rent it out. We figured that we would spend $20,000 over the next 20 (?) years on vacations….. why don’t we just give that money to them in exchange for a fucking week each year?!?! We weren’t buying so they brought over the supervisor who wouldn’t look Kristen in the eye. They were just dealing with me at that point. I was the easy spouse. The supervisor said that she could cut us a deal where we would only have to pay $130 a month….but for what, she never said. I guess we would have had the right to sit in a chair on the front porch of the Westgate Resorts Williamsburg for one week a year. Sign me up!!!! We said no. They brought over the closer who tried to sell some other bullshit “vacation plan” deal. No. No. No. We initially walk in and they treat us like gold, now after we said it isn’t for us… they treat us like shit… and then they pay that shit $30 in cash, tickets to the Williamsburg Winery, free dinner, and a chance to take a vacation at one of their other resorts and get hustled all over again. We spent the money on dinner at Sal’s, and we used the dinner voucher at Season’s that night on ONLY desert. Creme brulee. Carrot Cake. Apple Crisp….. and strange looks from the woman at another table across from us. Fuck her. We like sugar.

No we didn’t see the Queen. Kristen spent four months in London and didn’t see her, so why would we try now? The bed and breakfast smelled like autumn and sweet spices. It was grand. I’ve never had an issue jumping onto a bed, but the canopy king we had must have been 8 feet off of the ground… there were stairs to get on it if you needed them.

more to come.