My fantastic wife, Kristen Bartlett, has made it to the Final Four of TweetMadness, cheekily dubbed, the #FF4. She needs your vote! Please log in with your Twitter account at http://tweetmadness.org.vote and vote for kristencheeks!
To Whom It May Concern,
Friends. I’m writing this letter as a concerned participant in the “Tweet Madness" competition. I’m here to blow the whistle on clear NTAA violations (National Twitter Athletic Association). I can no longer stay silent as this twisted pun competition disgraces this great world of ours. I’ve outlined the offenses below.
1.) My match was rigged. Kurt Guenther and Dan Glaser encouraged me to throw my game with Jesse Neil, in exchange for a prosciutto and provolone sandwich. I am so ashamed to say that I agreed to this humiliating deal. I took the sandwich and tweeted a lackluster tweet, one that does not represent the quality of my usual whimsical remarks. I am embarrassed that I let down all 4441 of my loyal followers.
2.) My sources have confirmed examples of illegal recruitment. @VacationJason is a character and not a real person, therefore unable to compete in the NTAA. @thejoshpatten has been playing Twitter for well over four years. Are we supposed to pretend that he hasn’t yet gone pro?
3.) Even my own wife’s match was rigged … FOR HER TO WIN. Are we all really sitting here thinking that her tweet about a Garth Brooks song is better than tighter, more topical humor? I am so disappointed in @KristenCheeks right now, I may never trust her again.
Tweet Madness has no respect for the NTAA and everything it stands for—giving amateur tweeters a chance to play on a national stage, while also maintaining a 2.0 GPA at their day jobs.
Shame on you, Tweet Madness. SHAME ON YOU. But thank you for the delicious sandwich.